cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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