It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
