Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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