I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
