Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
