just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
