Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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