There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
