So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
