Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
