Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
