Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
