Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
