I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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