the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
