Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sarcasm needs its own font
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
