He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize