I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
