I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
