Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
