I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
