Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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