you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
