u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
