If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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