Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
