He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
