What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
