last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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