You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
