i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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