man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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