Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
