i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
