Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
