Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
