So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
