I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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