Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
