R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
