I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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