I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
