I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How does one acquire holy water?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
