New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
