The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
