when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize