i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
