but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
