she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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