Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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