Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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