You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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