you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
