I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
