your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
