he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
