The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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