i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
