walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
