I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
