Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
