You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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