so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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