nut hugger
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
