how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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