We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
