that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
