Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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