There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
