you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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